I haven’t thought this much in forever.
I don’t ask for much. Sure things change and all. I just want to be happy. All things are possible right?
Things were better before anyway. I would like for things to go back to normal.
I just feel like everything was blown up way more than it really had to be.
By the way, I wasn’t the one who made things big.
Spent some time alone today. Jammed to some music and drew for a little bit. It was kind of a lonely day, but I think I’m okay with that. I used to be okay with it. So why not learn to be okay with it again.
The sound of the clock ticking is on point with my thoughts. 60 seconds a minute means 60 thoughts in the same time frame. Everything moving that fast lately because I’m trying my best to fix the way I feel about everything.
As I was listening to music today I realized there’s yet another song that I can relate to. Why is it that when I’m having a hard time I realize that there’s another song that describes how I’m feeling? Geez. Well, the song is Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford and Sons. I think by listening to it lately, it tells me to try to heal myself. I can never do it alone, I’ve realized. I tend to lean on someone and depend on their support to heal. I need to stop doing that. I just can’t deal with things alone. I mean I do it all the time, but usually someone is there listening to me vent.
Maybe now that I have this stupid thing it will make me slightly better and help me deal. Is it too much to ask for some support?
You know. Some people want everything. I want everything. Who doesn’t? However, how come some “nice” people are entitled to it? Yeah I can be a shitty person. I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my past, but I think I’m entitled to some compromise in order to make me happy. I don’t want the whole damn world, I just want a lease on it or something. I want to know what’s real. I don’t want excuses. I want logical reasons. No matter how many fucking fancy words you use, it doesn’t make you sound smarter or wiser because you honestly don’t know what thoughts I’m capable of in my mind. When I’m emotional creative juices start to flow and I can use these juices as venom to poison whoever watches me work at it. A venom so addicting that once I start I just can’t stop. Maybe I should thank the people who push me into these slumps. It seems that during these times, it’s the only time I’m useful.
